


crossing the fine lines we knew

by notthebigspoon



Series: between the raindrops [3]
Category: Actor RPF, National Football League RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-01
Updated: 2013-03-01
Packaged: 2017-12-04 00:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/704352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Colin is total crap with relationships. He never did too well with girlfriends, dumps people impulsively or just stops calling because he doesn’t know how to talk to someone anymore, if he ever knew how to talk to them at all.</p><p>Title taken from Between the Raindrops by Lifehouse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	crossing the fine lines we knew

Colin is total crap with relationships. He never did too well with girlfriends, dumps people impulsively or just stops calling because he doesn’t know how to talk to someone anymore, if he ever knew how to talk to them at all. It figures that the first time he’s in a serious relationship with someone who won’t let him break up with them, he ends up engaged to them. And it’s not that he doesn’t love Joe. He does, he’s absolutely crazy about him, has never wanted anything more than he wants Joe.

That doesn’t mean he’s gotten any better at communicating though.

When things go wrong, when things bother him, he simply clams up and bottles it in until his skin is crawling and he’s ready to explode. It starts with Tom marrying his boyfriend. Colin likes Belt and he can tolerate Tom. Tom’s a nice guy but Colin just isn’t comfortable with how close he is to Joe. They’re almost like asexual boyfriends. Colin thought the wedding would mean that, for a little while, he’d get Joe more to himself.

Belt reports to spring training at the end of February. Tom stays behind in their apartment in London to pack his things and prepare to move to San Francisco for the duration of the baseball season. Joe seems thrilled at the prospect of being so much closer to him, promptly starts looking for an apartment of his own, the two of them even plotting to find places in the same building.

The only thing that keeps Colin from screaming is the fact that his mother raised him to be polite, respectful and it’d be kind of a dick move to tell your fiance that you don’t want him to talk to his best friend. He can only take so much, though, and when Joe tells him that they’ve found apartments directly next door to each other, Colin just mutters that Joe might as well move in with Tom if he’s that eager to.

It’s the start of their first big fight. Joe is angry with Colin because he thinks Colin is irrational and jealous and just plain crazy. Colin is angry because Joe refuses to see how being that close to someone can look pretty bad. The middle of the night texting and phone calls, the way Joe will drop everything he’s doing to call or skype Tom with a thought that he’s had. What they end up with is Colin grabbing his keys and wallet and walking out of the apartment, muttering that he’s going to a hotel for the night.

When he gets home in the morning, Joe just gives him a thin, tight smile before jerking his head at the kitchen table. Oatmeal and fruit. Not Colin’s favorite. He says nothing, though, sits down and eats. They spend exactly four days not talking before Colin decides he’s done. It was stupid to think that he could actually get things right for a change, could have a relationship without just destroying it.

He leaves his engagement ring on the counter with a note apologizing for being a mistake before catching a cab to JFK and a flight back home. He reaches Turlock in the afternoon, hugs his mom tight and tries hard not to cry. He doesn’t tell her what’s wrong, just nods and mumbles okay when she tells him he needs to eat something and shoos him into the living room while she makes him something to eat.

What hurts the most is the fact that he’s never been able to not talk to his parents about something. And he’s never lied to them beyond normal kid lies like ‘I didn’t break that’ and ‘of course I brushed my teeth’ and other inane things. He’s never told them the truth about Joe. That he isn’t Colin’s best friend and temporary roommate. He’s not sure how to tell them that he’s in love and is getting married. Well, was getting married.

When they start asking questions, he mumbles to them that he’s going to take Sammy for a walk. They shuffle through the neighborhood at a snail’s pace, turning what could have been a ten minute run into a two hour shuffle. They come home when it’s late, Colin shooing Sammy in through the back gate. They sit side by side in the grass, Colin occasionally passing the tortoise a dandelion green before leaning over and resting his head against Sammy’s shell. It’s hard, tough, shouldn’t be a comfort and yet somehow it is.

He wakes up to his dad saying his name, gently shaking him. He rolls over, stares sleepily before rubbing his face. “Sorry.”

“What’s wrong, Colin?” His dad asks quietly, pulling him to stand up. “This isn’t like you son.”

“I really don’t want to talk about it.”

“Is it the loss? Because you’re young... you’ve got a career ahead of you. You’ll get that ring eventually.”

“S’the only ring I’m gonna get.” Colin mumbles, crouching down to pet Sammy before following his dad into the house. “I’m going to bed.”

His father just nods and squeezes his shoulder. He knows that this won’t be the end of this discussion, it’s just tabled until the next day. Even then, though, he’s not so sure he’s going to be able to tell them the truth, if he tells them anything at all. He doesn’t want to disappoint them and somehow he thinks that this, him loving a man, is the kind of thing that will make them ashamed of him.

He goes to his room and shuts the door, curls up and stares at the glow in the dark stars dotting the ceiling. He falls asleep cold and lonely and he dreams of Joe.


End file.
